Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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