wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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