I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
