I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
