Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
