he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
