New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
