Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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