when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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