I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
