The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
this is an emotional support booty call
True strength comes from lack of pants
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
