So drunk its hurt
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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