I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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