It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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