it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize