I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
