don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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