i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
