if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
