genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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