Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
