I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
