More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
