I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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