You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
