Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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