I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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