Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
