I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize