i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
