tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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