...so i touched it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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