I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
