I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
