mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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