Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
