Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
