It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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