Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
