Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize