wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
