I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
