Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
