I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
