i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
