I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
