He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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