I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
