Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
