I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
