I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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