Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
