Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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