By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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