I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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