I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
