As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
