I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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