Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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