he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
