You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
