Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
