On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
