So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
