Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
