hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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