At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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