Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
