It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
