I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
